


the dead

by gayreids



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Suicide, Survivor Guilt, Whump, just warning u: spencer dies, mr scratch - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-08-04 23:03:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16355963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayreids/pseuds/gayreids
Summary: au where when aaron his sprayed with scratch's mind control chemical, he kills him and then spencer





	the dead

this wasn't meant to happen. 

spencer was there one second and gone the next. aaron's subconscious retraced the steps that had led to the oozing out of spencer (and his blood and fragments of his skull and his _beautiful brain_ ) onto the floor and walls. the subconscious mind could process thousands of pieces of information in a second, much less than the conscious mind could. aaron forgot the exact numbers and hated himself for the fact that spencer wasn't there _(he wasn't alive_ ) to remind him of them anymore.   
the bullet had started its journey inside the revolver held in aaron's own hands and had ended that journey in a wall above the front door, where it had wedged itself and where it would stay until the forensic team came and processed the scene. aaron could still see it, even in the dim half-light. even with the blood of two different people in his eyes (and hands and everywhere he looked). the starting point and the end point weren't important, though. what was important was what was standing in the way- or rather, who was standing in the way.   
a shot rang clean through spencer's forehead and maybe aaron was imagining it in his drug induced haze but spencer looked betrayed. after that, his face had arranged itself into a look of... aaron couldn't work it out.   
all he knew was that in mr scratch's hideaway, lit by gas lamps and the stars outside, spencer had died, and he'd pulled the trigger.   
scratch was dead at last. aaron's last movement as a free man had been to shoot him. he'd aimed for the head but understandably, he'd missed slightly. a bullet in the throat did what aaron had intended, though. at least he could take comfort in the fact that nobody would have their free will stripped away in an act so debasing ever again.   
(well, those were strong words, weren't they? surely aaron would know that there would always be another scratch, and another, and _another_ until the end of the human race itself because people could do so much evil and trying to stop it was like trying to stop a stab wound from bleeding by covering it with your hand.)  
spencer had died at aaron's hand.   
he still couldn't wrap his mind around that.   
emily was the first to speed around the bend once the deafening sound of the gun reverberated around the mostly empty house. her eyes landed first on spencer, lying on his back and staring up into nothing with a look in his eye so vacant that she didn't even think to take a pulse.   
(eventually, she remembered that she hadn't but that wasn't until the coroner wheeled him away in a body bag. she kicked and clawed her way to the van, shouting that she hadn't taken his pulse and that _he could still be alive in there- no, listen, that's a federal agent and he needs medical attention. what if he's alive in there? i haven't taken his pulse, i-_ )  
her eyes landed on aaron next, with the bodies of scratch and one of his other victims lying only a few feet away. the only gun in that room was in aaron's hands and once emily connected those dots in her head, she just turned and walked away, saying that she needed to fetch the paperwork she needed to fill out because- well, she didn't need to give aaron a reason to know what she was talking about.   
jj rushed to spencer next and aaron hated the fact that he'd shot spencer to death in a place where he'd only stop seeing this if he moved. he almost hated it as much as he hated himself.   
he looked away and closed his eyes, falling from his knees to fully resting on the floor.   
-  
aaron hadn't spoken since that day.   
he could barely stand to walk through the threshold of the home that he and spencer had shared. his mind filled with memories that ached so badly that he physically felt it.   
he didn't sleep in their bed that night (or any of the nights after that).   
-  
it was weeks of not shaving, not eating, barely sleeping, never changing his clothes, and effectively taking a break from being a functional human being before aaron realised what that goddamn look on spencer's face was before he died.   
he'd looked betrayed, yes, but there was something else there.   
it was _love_.   
"he died for me," aaron whispered, his voice borderline delirious from sleep deprivation. "he died for me," he said over and over again, his voice eventually rising in volume so much that he was screaming it. the words themselves distorted until they were simply one long cry broken up into screaming and needing to breathe. those were his first words since the incident and now that he'd started talking again, he couldn't stop until he was punching the walls so hard that his neighbours called the police and he had to explain why it sounded like a murder was in progress at a federal agent's home.   
when the police left, he punched himself instead, blows from his fists raining down on him like a thunderstorm over and over until he was satisfied.   
-  
he didn't attend the funeral. he knew that his team, hell, everyone who was attending would judge him for that but he couldn't bring himself to even haul himself out of bed.   
aaron had lost so much weight that he was afraid his bones would break under the pressure of his too-big clothes or that he'd get swept away by a gust of wind.   
the only words he'd spoken since the incident were the only words he uttered ever again.   
"he _died_ for me."  
-  
aaron was found dead in his house three months after the incident. the same gun he'd used to murder spencer was in his hands and his empty body had a smile on its face that was made gruesome by his protuding cheekbones and the disgusting swell of death. there was a single shot in his forehead and the bullet had started its journey inside the revolver held in aaron's own hands and had ended that journey in the wall behind his head, where it had wedged itself and where it would stay until the forensic team came and processed the scene.

 


End file.
